My daughter recently asked me if she could buy a dildo. I had to admit to myself that it made me uncomfortable, but I also knew I had to think about this rationally and put aside any puritan sentiment. My immediate response was to give her a flat “no”, so I allowed myself some time to think through the pros and cons of my decision.
Initially, I was shocked by the request. I knew that her friends talked about sex and all the different ways they experimented, but I never expected her to join in on the conversation. I was thrown and I had to pause and take a breath before I decided how to respond.
As I was trying to process, I had to admit to myself that my daughter is an adult who lives her own life. It is not my place to dictate to her who she should be or what she should do. Furthermore, I could tell that she was embarrassed to approach me about it, so that showed me that she was taking her decision seriously. It would mean that she is aware of individual responsibility and that she had done her research.
At the same time, I wasn’t sure what she would do with a dildo if she did buy one. Would she use it for sexual pleasure or would she use it as a tool to explore her own anatomy? Obviously, I wasn’t in a position to judge or dictate how she should use it. I also had to consider the fact that I was being quite hypocritical. Many of my friends had joked about the topic before and as the discussion happened I didn’t do anything to stop them or to protect her innocence. After all, knowledge is power.
After a few days of thinking, I made up my mind and decided to ask her if she could elaborate more on why she wanted the dildo. This approach was important, as I needed to express that I was interested in what she wanted and I was having an open dialogue with her. She made me aware that she was actually looking to host a bachelorette party for her friend and they were going to use the dildo to make it even more fun.
I could understand that the dildo would be used as a way to make the bachelorette party more fun. My concern now was that it might be dangerous. I told my daughter to make sure they were all safe and that if they were going to do anything that was outside of her comfort zone, dildos that she had a right to refuse.
On the other hand, I could see the positives of this request. By talking about the dildo, it opened the conversation and gave us a viable opportunity to talk about sex honestly; something that most parents find difficult to do. I was also proud of my daughter for showing me how sexual education works and how to approach it in the right way.
Eventually, I told my daughter that she could buy the dildo for her friend’s bachelorette party, but it was important that I could go with her to buy it. We discussed the potential awkwardness of buying it and how to go about it with discretion.
Before we went to the shop, I gave her a few tips on how to talk about the dildo without making it too awkward. I told her to pick the right time and that she should make it seem like it was a normal purchase. I also reminded her to respect the right of others to avoid the topic or walk away from the conversation.
At the end of the day, the decision was a difficult one and I was proud of my daughter for taking it seriously. In the end, it has given us the opportunity to have honest conversations about sex that most parents find difficult to do. My daughter is now more comfortable with her own sexuality and that of others, as well as having the knowledge to make safe and informed decisions as an adult.
I had to take a deep breath and put my own discomfort aside. Despite my initial reaction, in the end I managed to come to a conclusion that allowed me to remain true to myself and my daughter – I allowed her to buy the dildo for the bachelorette party with a set of guidelines.
Now that I had allowed my daughter to do this, I had to also take a step back and analyse my own parenting style. I realised that I should have taken the opportunity to talk about sex with my daughter earlier. I could have taken the time to educate her in a way that was not going to make her feel embarrassed or ashamed of her body and sexuality but rather comfortable in the fact that she is an adult, capable of making her own decisions.
Moreover, I could have opened a dialogue to discuss the safety aspects of owning and using a dildo, from mental to physical. Ultimately, it is important to make sure that the person using the dildo is doing so safely and with enough knowledge on the topic.
At a later date, my daughter and I had the opportunity to talk about the bachelorette party and how it went. My daughter told me that due to the guidelines I had set out, the party went according to plan and everyone had the opportunity to explore their own sexuality in a fun, positive, and safe environment.
Ultimately, I am glad that I took the time to think through the pros and cons of the situation and gave myself enough time to come to the decision I eventually got to. It was difficult to take a step back and take off my parent hat, but it was so important to give my daughter the freedom to make her own decisions. I am proud that I handled the situation with respect, understanding, Penis Rings and discretion.